What a Croc
by Amilya Eclair Farron
Summary: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.
1. What a Croc

**Title**: What a Croc  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Crossover: _Batman_ & _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), Killer Croc (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 666  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: This was inspired by a conversation that I was having with KoK (KohakunoHime). I hadn't fully decided on which Batman universe it is that Gurimo's been sent to, but for now it's going to be _Batman (2004 - 2008)_ TV show version; however, there will be times where it'll change to the _Batman: Animated Series_ version.  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

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><p><em>o1: What a Croc<em>

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><p>There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.<p>

He knew that they did needed souls to help replenish the Leviathan, the stronger they were the better, yet it didn't make sense to him that his Master had him wandering, aimlessly, through the sewers. Did Master Dartz honestly expect for him to locate his target from _down __here?_

Echoes, that came slipping through the cracks from above, tumbled down and pushed away the eerie silence that would consume the tunnels for small amounts of time. The scent in the air was beyond repulsive and it started to give him a headache. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Gurimo kept pushing forward, trying to ignore the way the wet materials of his robes and pants clung to his skin. It was disgusting.

Briefly, anger shot through him upon reminder that he was wearing his newest robes and leather boots before he dismissed it and told himself that it needed to be done for the good of their cause.

How and why did he get stuck with this assignment again?

… Oh, right.

Gurimo felt his scowl deepen at the memory of how Valon, their latest companion, had fallen ill due to the fact that he had purposefully left out a few food items that were meant to be refrigerated. Although, really, none of that would of happened if that pesky menace had minded his own business and _not_ pull that ridiculous prank on him. And what did he get for it? A _lecture_, that's all, from Master Dartz with a warning not to do it again.

"_You __purposefully __made __one __of __my __Swordsmen _sick_, __Gurimo. __Both __of __us __know __that __you __know __better __than __to __do __that.__" __Dartz__'__s __tone __managed __to __hide __most __of __the __annoyance __that __he __felt __for __the __man __but __not __all.__ "__I __was __going __to __give __this __assignment __to __Valon, __but __seeing __as __your _carelessness _has __made __him __sick, __I__'__m __giving __it __to __you.__"_

_He gave no argument in the matter because, getting an assignment? How was that punishment? Instead he bowed, "Yes, Master Dartz."_

He should have known that Master Dartz wouldn't let anyone get off that easily. If he hadn't decided to seek out his own revenge, it would be Valon in this predicament and not him. Unless… no, he decided with a dismissive thought, Master Dartz never changed the assignments that he gave out.

He continued to tread through the murky water. At times, the smell had gotten the better of him, forcing Gurimo to cover his nose with his sleeve.

But after a few more wandering something had caught his eye.

Blinking, it took him a few moments to realize what it was that had caught his attention.

And, abruptly, suddenly, he stumbled backwards.

This only seemed to entertain the large beast that stood at the other end of the tunnel, the dime light that managed to crack through from above shining down and bounced off the sharp, white talons that were teeth. Its breathing, because it really couldn't be his, was heavy as it sniffed the air and Gurimo swallowed as more of those sharp teeth were revealed. His blood ran cold as, somewhere, in the back of his mind told him that that… that… _thing_… wasn't human and that it was _no_ hologram either. And more importantly told him that he should _run_.

"Well, well, well. And here I thought I wasn't going to have any dinner tonight."

It spoke.

It actually spoke.

That _thing _had talked.

It wasn't until he found, after running back the way he came without a second glance and climbing up the ladder and now running down the street, himself questioning the possible question that perhaps that thing had been…

No. If anything, that thing had probably killed his target and ate him, just like it had planned to do to him.

And so Waylon Jones would not be offered to the great Leviathan.


	2. Beware of Leaves with Threes

**Title**: Beware of Leaves with Threes  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Crossover: _Batman_ & _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), Poison Ivy (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 323  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Yeah. I went ahead and updated _What a Croc_. Probably will post this over at LJ still; though hopefully the coin will choose more of a serious story that I can update—and wow, I just [kind of] stole Two-Face's thing, haven't I? Anyway… if you really think about it it's not Ivy that makes a live appearance rather… well… can anyone tell me who it is? :)  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

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><p><em>o2: Beware of Leaves with Threes<em>

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><p>Everything up to that point had been a blur.<p>

Easily could he recall Master Dartz assigning him a new target (obviously displeased with the fact that he had failed to capture one Waylon Jones' soul) and thus returned to this darkened city. People gazed at him, puzzled by his appearance and the Chaos Duel Disk clasped to his left wrist – now that he thought about it no one here was wearing one. _How strange_, he remembered thinking – yet steered clear of him. Before the area he had been in had been clear of people, minus a few scavengers here and there.

Keeping his mind focused, Gurimo made his way to the apartment. It was deserted which meant he needed to take a different approach in locating his target. Briefly he spoke to a few people nearby, demanding to know where this woman he was searching for was. The looks he received… if those punks had wearing their duel disks he would have captured their souls to teach them a lesson.

It wasn't until, by chance, that he ran into a woman who was of use; however, at first, she was a bit suspicious as to _why_ he was searching for – who turned out to be – her friend.

"We're… old acquaintances."

"Oh. OK!" She smiled. "Well, then I'm sure Red won't mind! To be honest, I didn't think she liked having male friends but…" The babbling continued for another two minutes before finally pointing him in the right direction. Alas, he would capture his target's soul for the great Leviathan and please Master Dartz. But after that…

After that, it was like a thick fog blanketing his memory. What had happened?

It was then he realized that he was lying in a bed – a _hospital_ bed. When… how did he end up here?

And so, Gurimo would have to explain _yet again_ why his target, Pamela Isley, would not be offered to the great Leviathan.


	3. A Chilling Realization

**Title**: A Chilling Realization  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Crossover: _Batman_ & _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), Mr. Freeze (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 652  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: I'd like to say that this is a present to KoK (_Kohaku no Hime_).  
>KoK - thank you for being such an awesome friend! :) *<em>hands KoK a Mr. Freeze plushie<em>*  
>FYI: I imaged this more of the <em>Batman: Arkham City<em> Mr. Freeze instead of _the Batman_ version of Freeze. Not because I don't like that Freeze or anything! It's just… well… you'll see why once you read it. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go bother hang out with Eddie.  
>PS: Can someone tell me why the Doc Manager is making everything one big paragraph? Doesn't matter if I copy &amp; paste it into an already uploaded doc. or if I upload a doc. - it continues to clump it altogether.<br>**Warnings**: None.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

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><p><em>o3: A Chilling Realization<em>

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><p>Never during his servitude to Dartz did he ever hold such resent and loathing for said person.<p>

After his most recent failure in capturing one Pamela Isley's soul it was only seen as fitting that he were to remain in this city called Gotham. And he would remain there until he captured – _at least_ – one of the souls that were on the list given to him. Gurimo knew he deserved it because failure was not an option and completely unacceptable. But he was beginning to come to the conclusion that that damned imbecile, Valon, was the reason behind it. The youth constantly would seek out how to sabotage his efforts in anything and everything.

What Master Dartz saw in the boy was beyond him. But what he did know was that it was a mistake.

Gurimo hadn't yet realized that his teeth were chattering and that he was, subconsciously, rubbing his arms in an attempt to warm them nor did he notice his breath come out in a misty cloud. His mind was far too wrapped up in his current thoughts that he hadn't given much thought when he wiped the snowflakes from his shoulders. Only until he stepped foot within the abandoned Gotham Polar Bear Ice Company building did he realize that something was not right.

If the ice covering the vents and patches of snow lying about weren't enough evidence that something was wrong then he didn't know what was.

… And why was it he just _now_ realized that it seemed that his targets picked the strangest places to reside? First there were the sewers, then the abandoned greenhouse, and now _this?_ What in the name of Orichalcos was going on here?

He briefly questioned if he should ask Master Dartz about this.

But it's that moment that costs him dearly.

"What the—" Gurimo, stunned, tries to stumble backwards but finds his legs frozen in place – _literally_. Frantic, he tries to recall where the rays of bright blue had come from yet finds he's unable to. Instead he tries to see about breaking free from the ice that has incased his legs. _What kind of sorcery is this?_ His mind hisses as his useless attempts do nothing to help set him free. This only fuels his anger and annoyance. "I demand that you show yourself!"

Somehow, he's not sure if he should be surprised or… if he should be getting used to this by now.

Upon first glance it makes Gurimo question if it's some kind of robot or maybe a Duel Monster? But as the figure steps into better lighting he can see that it's a _person_ inside the strange getup. And in his grip is a… gun? No. But it's undeniably something that's dangerous.

"I made myself quite clear with my answer." His voice sounds a little… robotic like. This can't be his target.

Can it?

"—I will not permit having my wife taken from me again."

… Really, he couldn't have been spacing out that long now.

Right…?

"I-I have n-no in-intention of stealing your… your wife." Gurimo says in that 'I am mightier than you' tone of his while trying not to stutter from the cold. But it's proving to be rather difficult. "N-No. It's your s-soul that I-I'm after! A-And it's y-your s-soul that I intend to c-c-collect!"

It's very difficult to read his target's expression but Gurimo is certain that he'll win. "But if y-you'd like, I'd be happy to c-collect your wife's soul t-too. Both of you c-can s-serve a greater p-purpose by giving yourselves to t-the great b-beast!"

"…"

That was the second time Gurimo awoke inside a hospital room. But this time his stay is longer due to pneumonia.

And so, two weeks later and still recovering, Gurimo had to explain to Master Dartz why his third target, Victor Fries, would not be offered to the great Leviathan.


	4. Lucky, He is Not

**Title**: Lucky, He is Not  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Crossover: _Batman_ & _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), Two-Face (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 308  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: I'm not really proud of how this came out but it's better than nothing. Oh! And this is set in the universe of _Batman: Arkham City_.  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

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><p><em>o4: Lucky, He is Not<em>

* * *

><p>… Really, one would think he would have learned by now that his targets were not like any regular people he had been sent after before.<p>

Yet he felt confident in his abilities in capturing this next one. Why? Gurimo studied the worn flyer once more. True, he may not recall the face of his second target that he was sent after within this cursed city but he could recall that beast in the sewers and the man (he would have called him an android, but seeing as how it fails to obtain what was needed for the great Leviathan…) who was able to manipulate ice. But it was clear to him that there was nothing special about this one.

Oh, how wrong he was.

He couldn't believe that he had been jumped upon when entering the abandoned courthouse.

And, what worse, he was hanging _upside down_ above a tank of _acid_.

"So," Gurimo turned (tried to, anyway) his head towards the source of where the gruff voice had come from. And found it to be his current target; however, the man must have been in a terrible ordeal after the election due to the terrible burns displayed on the left side of his face. Intense eyes were focused on him as the coin would glisten when tossed in the air, "heads or tails, Grim?"

Thankfully for him, although Gurimo really did find himself questioning more and more the residents' sanity, a man dressed as a bat came crashing down from above. Gunfire and yells (more like screams) crashed the air; however, Gurimo failed to give it any mind. No. Instead he was trying to think of a way to have Master Dartz grant him leave from this madness and give this assignment to Valon.

And so, Harvey Dent lucked out in being offered to the great Leviathan.


	5. A Prey for Birds

**Title**: A Prey for Birds  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Crossover: _Batman_ & _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), Penguin (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 288  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Gosh, I had a whole other idea for this but then Penguin ended up being _way_ to OOC so I settled for this version instead.  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

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><p><em>o5: A Prey for Birds<em>

* * *

><p>He knew luck was on his side this time. It just had to be. The consequences of failure, for the <em>fifth<em> time since being in this wretched city, was not an option; Master Dartz had made that perfectly clear when he tried persuading the man to pass this assignment off to Valon. And he knew that the Master was losing patience with him.

Perhaps, just maybe, if he captured this person's soul then it'd be enough to convince him to let him return back to base.

"You insolent fools do not understand." Gurimo ground out through clenched teeth. "It is important that I speak with Mr. Cobblepot at once. Do you understand?" Yet from how this confrontation was going it was easy to see that luck still wasn't on his side.

"Boss said nothin' 'bout havin' to meet with a "Gurimo". S'tell me, what kind of name is "Gurimo" anyways?" The smaller of the two men asked while his buddy gave a low, deep chuckle. What? Did these buffoons think that by making fun of his name that it'd be enough to stray him from his task at hand? _Imbeciles_, Gurimo thought with distaste. Perhaps he should simply duel them, steal their souls, and save himself the trouble.

"Yeah, if ya want an audience with the Penguin, yer gonna have'ta make a name for yerself, _Gurimo_—"

Penguin? … _Penguin?_ That's what this man – Mr. Cobblepot – referred to himself as?

"—unless, ya rather want to say hello to my good friend here?" The second thug lifted his jacket a bit for the older man to see the gun – that appeared to be a desert eagle – strapped perfectly in its holster.

"…" It was clear how the tables had turned (then again, Gurimo never did have the upper hand).

And so Oswald Chesterfield Cobblepot would not be offered to the great Leviathan.


	6. What is the Difference Between You & Me?

**Title**: What is the Difference Between You and Me?  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Crossover: _Batman_ & _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), the Riddler (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 1,130  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: When I wrote this I pictured the _Batman: Arkham City_ version of the Riddler. So it's that canon-verse of _Batman_ and not the cartoon version. Because I'm going to be honest here: I don't like _the Batman_ version of the Riddler. He's just… no. I don't like that version of him at all.  
>Can anyone answer the riddle that I used for this title (without looking it up)? Kudos to you if you can! :)<em><br>_**Warnings**: None.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

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><p><em>o6: What is the Difference Between You and Me?<em>

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><p>… Maybe he should simply just retire.<p>

How had he gotten himself into this situation in the first place? … _Besides_ the main and obvious one, that is.

Gurimo's eyes tried their best to focus as he carefully sat up from the dirty floor. The back of his head throbbed in pain and, after he gingerly touched the agonizing spot, it took him a second to register that the sticky substance on his fingers were red and a second longer to realize that it was _blood_.

_His blood_, to be precise.

This… wasn't good. How did—what happened? He tried to remember how he ended up in this bizarre situation and yet was unable to do so yet.

"_And finally our challenger has awakened! Good, good. About time, too; I was beginning to wonder if the hired help hit you a little _too _hard on the head there._"

"W-What…? W-Who's there?" Gurimo quickly rose to his feet, only to stumble backwards, as he tried to locate the owner of the voice. If only he wasn't so sluggish at the moment; he would have been able to think straight and realize that the voice came from a speaker from within the small, dark room.

"_But now you're only problem is worrying about that bump to your head will affect your performance._"

"Show yourself!"

A small, amused chuckle, then, "_You are in no position to make demands. In fact, you should be grateful that I brought you here. After all, word on the street is that you demand an audience with all us villains and therefore you should feel honored that I'm taking time out of my busy schedule to let you entertain me. Now then, shall we start off with a simple riddle?_"

All Gurimo could do was splutter.

"_Riddle me this! Why wasn't Bertha put in jail after killing dozens of people? _"

"W-What kind of nonsense is this?" His focus wasn't as muddy as it had been when he first awoke and he was beginning to remember bits and pieces of what happened. He returned to his motel room yesterday only to find it strange how the lights wouldn't turn on and then there was a noise behind in and a sharp, shooting pain and then… nothing. That was it. "Tell me who you are! Or better yet, why don't you show yourself?"

"_Tsk, tsk. Didn't I _just say_ that _you_ are in _no position_ to make any kinds of _demands_ here? Now, _stop_ stalling and _answer_ the riddle_."

"I will not!"

"_Mm, I take it that your IQ is below the norm? No matter. I'm not surprised. After all, no one is as brilliant as _I_ am._"

"_WHAT?_" Gurimo couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did this man (it had to be a male due to the pitch of the voice) just insult his intelligence? Who did this punk think he was? Ooh, he would show him. "You want me to answer your stupid riddle and play your game? Fine then! But know this; it will be you who will wish that you never messed with me! For once I've captured your soul, it will be offered to—"

"_Blah, blah, blah – if you really know the answer to the riddle, you wouldn't be stalling still._"

"…" _Twitch_. "… The answer to your ridiculous riddle is that she's a hurricane."

Another chuckle of amusement and then, "_… Nice try. But the answer is Bertha used the insanity plea. She was placed in an asylum instead._"

"That's not the answer!" Gurimo practically roared.

"_So says you. But you forget an important fact: it is I who asks the riddles. It is I who knows all the answers. It is I that is your superior of intellect. And it is I who holds your life in my hands._"

If Valon wasn't going to be the cause of his death then surely this man would be. And worse, Gurimo didn't know this man's identity. He thought back to what he said, about how he heard on the streets how he was looking for these rogues, but failed to come up with anything significant enough to help him figure out the man's identity. These madmen all came up with aliases to use and—Gurimo gave an inaudible sigh. Perhaps he should start doing a better background check.

"Why, listen here, you—"

"_Tell you what? I normally am not this generous, but I shall give you another riddle to try and answer. Get it correct, I'll let you go. Get it wrong, well… I doubt I have to tell you what will happen in that case._"

… What choice did he have? By the looks of things, the only door in the room he was locked in could only be opened from the outside. And, though it was clear this person was a madman, he had no choice but to play by his rules.

"… Fine, what's this riddle?"

"_Riddle me this. Dreaming of apples on a wall and dreaming often dear, you dreamed that if you counted them all, how many apples would appear?_"

"Ten. The answer is ten."

"_Wrong! The answer is none because that's just it. You're daydreaming—_"

"_Uh, Mr. Nygma…?_"

"_WHAT? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING, YOU DAFT OAF?_"

"_B-But sir, I think we have some unwanted company. A few of the men have gone missing and—_"

It cut off.

Gurimo ground his teeth together in pure frustration and anger as he waited for the obnoxious man's voice to return but… nothing. There was no clock in the room for him to tell how many minutes had passed yet it felt as if it'd been forever. What exactly was going on? What was happening? … Was he ever going to be let out of this room?

Minutes, which felt like hours to him, ticked on by and still nothing.

He tried to remain calm in order to help his growing headache.

And it wasn't just because of the blow to the head.

Oh, no.

The man's nonsense certainly had helped and, sure enough, it wouldn't be long until it grew into a migraine.

Oh, how positively fun.

Finally, the door opened to reveal two police officers that were staring at him a little strangely. (Not that you could blame them, really.) And after answering a few questions for them, they sent him on his way. But not before he caught a glimpse of a man clad in green with a bowler hat and his accomplice being escorted to the back of a police cruiser.

And so, Gurimo, with a splitting headache, had to explain to Master Dartz why the man, known as Edward Nygma, would not be offered to the great Leviathan.


	7. Another Mark for My Collection

**Title**: Another Mark for My Collection  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Crossover: _Batman_ & _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), Victor Zsasz (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 380  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: … Yeah, I… didn't feel like even writing Zsasz. He creeps me out and… I greatly dislike Gurimo, but Zsasz? I hate to say it, but… I dislike him far more than the man raiding the Grim Reaper's wardrobe.  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

* * *

><p><em>o7: Another Mark for My Collection<em>

* * *

><p>This time Gurimo made absolutely, positively sure that he was prepared for his target.<p>

He made sure to do all necessary background check on the subject and… the discoveries he made about the target made his blood run cold and the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Just for extra knowledge, he read any and all newspaper clippings involving the man and everything – absolutely _every_thing – made his gut twist painfully.

Did… no.

Master Dartz couldn't possibly want to add this man's soul added to the collection.

It was just plain absurd.

Gurimo wasn't even sure if he even wanted to try and capture this man's soul.

(After all, he's failed six times in a row now and the chance of getting out of this one unscathed was… unlikely.)

But… that's exactly the reason why he had to go and try because he simply couldn't fail his Master again. They needed souls to unlock the great beast and…

Gurimo pinched the bridge of his nose.

Victor Zsasz, based on the information he read, went after _any_ one. It didn't matter _who_ it was so long as it would gain him a _mark_.

Ugh.

"No. I cannot not do this task; Master Dartz gave it to me and I must see it through." Gurimo stood and started towards the door of his room. He would accomplish this task and, with any luck, be allowed to return. His fingers curled around the cold metal doorknob and he glared purposefully at it. "I will accomplish this task. I will."

…

Gurimo continued to stand there, glaring hatefully at the object within his fingers, as he tried to muster up the will to continue on.

…

"… On second thought," He pulled back his hand and glanced over at the phone on the bedside table and then to the folder containing the names of his targets. "Perhaps I shall skip this one for now. … Yes, I think I will. There's no harm done in doing so."

And so, Gurimo returned to the small table and began to look through the rest of the names and deciding on who would be his next target.

Therefore, Victor Zsasz was never even offered the chance of becoming an offering to the great Leviathan.


	8. Burn, Baby, Burn

**Title**: Burn, Baby, Burn  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Crossover: _Batman_ & _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), Firefly (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 546  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: I just… if you've read any of my other _the Batman_ crossovers than you'll see why I just couldn't resist.  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

* * *

><p><em>o8: Burn, Baby, Burn<em>

* * *

><p>"Ah, so you must be the "Bee Man"."<p>

Garfield caught himself from slapping a hand to his forehead. Really, how long has it been since he's been flying about the city and causing fires and stating that his name was Firefly? Everyone seemed to get his name right when he became Phosphorus, but maybe that was because he was a bigger threat. "The name is _Firefly_. Tell me, does my suit look anything remotely close to being that of a bee? Because if so, you need to get your eyes checked."

"It matters not what your name is. What does matter is that soon your soul shall be offered to the great beast!"

"…"

Firefly gave him a blank stare; although the man wouldn't be able to see it because he still wore his trademark helmet. And the citizens of Gotham believed that the criminals were the odd ones? OK, either this was a real loony that needed to be locked up in a cell over in Arkham or this guy smoked too much weed or… something. "Listen, I don't have time dealing with small fry like you."

"No. _You_ listen. I have come too far to give up now and I shall not let this opportunity escape me." That was for sure. Gurimo was absolutely sick and tired of being in this strange and bizarre city. He was tired of the citizens' lack of knowledge of knowing the famous children's card game and he was sick of how he hadn't caught one single person's soul on his list.

Not this time though.

This time he was going to capture this person's soul and he was going to return to the temple.

As Gurimo kept his glare firm, Firefly couldn't help except take notice of the time. Alice was probably wondering where he was right now and, more than likely, was coming to the assumption that he was up to no good; however that wouldn't be far from the truth if this old coot kept him from leaving. The arsonist could already feel the urge to zap him a few times and set that ratty and tatty cloak on fire. But he knew he had to restrain himself from doing so. If this made it on the news (_speaking of which_, Garfield thought, _wait… haven't I seen this crazy, old coot recently on the news?_) then that meant Alice would see and–slash–or hear about it.

And he did give her his word that he would _try_ to behave himself.

But all that self-control went out the window when Gurimo opened his big, fat mouth again.

"I'll make you a deal. If you duel me, then I won't go after that pretty brunette of yours. But should you back out, I promise you this: that brunette's soul will be offered to the great beast in your stead."

His eyes flashed a dark shade of blue.

No one – and he meant _no one_ – got away unscathed when they threatened Alice.

And this man was about to learn his biggest mistake from doing so.

And so, Gurimo, with second degree burns, had the "honor" of explaining to Master Dartz _yet again_ on why the man, known as Garfield Lynns, would not be offered to the great Leviathan.


	9. Wanna Hear a Knock, Knock Joke?

**Title**: Wanna Hear a Knock, Knock Joke?  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Crossover: _Batman_ & _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), Joker (_Batman_), Harley Quinn (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 473  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Not much to say about this one…  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

* * *

><p><em>o9: Wanna Hear a Knock, Knock Joke?<em>

* * *

><p>To quote Master Yoda on Gurimo's current state of situation:<p>

How embarrassing.

_How_ embarrassing.

How _embarrassing_.

And it truthfully was embarrassing.

Gurimo thought that this would be a piece of cake. He again did the required research to discover that this identity of Jack Napier was really an alias for a man only known as the Joker. There wasn't any impressive background information on him, but Gurimo could care less. All that mattered to him was that he would finally capture _someone's soul_ and be able to return home.

By the time he made it to the hideout he was greeted by his henchwoman known as Harley Quinn – another person on the list. And there was more background information on her than her boss. But Gurimo was very pleased to hear how easy it was to subdue the girl and, if he couldn't capture two at once, he'd be fine with only her soul in the collection. Because, as mentioned previously, Gurimo really was sick and tired of this place. And he desperately wanted to go home.

"Ha! Thought you could get the upper hand just because I'm a girl, huh? Well think again, Grimm!" Harley Quinn said, hands on her hips, a smirk on her face. "Just wait 'til Mr. J gets home to see this! He'll be so proud of me that he'll ask for my hand! Ha, you'll see!"

Surprisingly enough, Gurimo wisely kept his mouth shut.

"Hey, wanna hear a knock, knock joke?"

"…"

"Knock, knock!"

"…"

"_I said_," Harley hissed as she grabbed the front of his robe. "_Knock, knock_."

He scowled. "What?"

_Smack_.

"You dimwit; you're supposed to say "_who's there_"!"

"… Who's there?"

Harley Quinn began to open her mouth when out of nowhere – literally – a certain caped crusader came down upon her and, henceforth, a struggle between the two ensured. Gurimo watched from his seat as the girl was knocked into unconsciousness and the man dressed as a bat turned to stare at him. With a shake of his head, the Batman turned and grappled off.

"H-Hey, where do you think you're going?! Get back here and untie me!" Gurimo yelled but to no avail.

But thankfully it didn't take as long for the police to arrive and untie him; although they were beginning to question if they should admit the man in an asylum of some sort because _how many frickin times has it been that he's been in situations like these?_ Whatever; Gurimo had more important matters to deal with.

And so, Gurimo wasn't even going to explain to Master Dartz of his failure to retrieve one of the two souls, especially when it came to the part with the female.

... You know what? Better yet, he wasn't going to say anything about the female at all when it came to it.


	10. You're the Dummy, Dummy

**Title:** You're the Dummy, Dummy  
><strong>Rating:<strong> PG  
><strong>Fandom:<strong> Crossover: _Batman & Yu-Gi-Oh!  
><em>**Characters:** Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), Scarface (_Batman_), Arnold Wesker (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary:<strong> There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count:<strong> 208  
><strong>Author's Note:<strong> In all honesty, I wasn't sure how to have Gurimo approach this particular villain.  
><strong>Warnings:<strong> None.  
><strong>Disclaimer:<strong> _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

* * *

><p><em>1o: You're the Dummy, Dummy<em>

* * *

><p>"Stop cowering behind that dummy and duel me!"<p>

"Who're you calling a "dummy", dummy?"

"L-Listen, you… you r-really d-d-don't want to… to… d-do this…"

"Shut up, you idiot! And learn to stay in your place!"

"Y-Yes, Mr. S-Scarface, s-s-sir…"

What kind of idiocy was this? Did this man believe he could fool him in to believe that the puppet was the one that went by the name of "Mr. Scarface"? How absurd! No one could fool him!

"I demand that you duel me! Do you hear me? I have challenged you to a duel!"

"Yea, yea; I heard you the first time. Yo, Dummy! Make yourself useful for once and go get my gun!"

"Y-Y-Yes, sir…"

"And stop stuttering, you moron. You only prove how stupid you really are by doing that."

Gurimo could only stare. And stare and stare and stare…

"Forget this." He grumbled under his breath and left without the Ventriloquist and his dummy even noticing.

He would just tell Master Dartz that his latest target had problems that not even the great Leviathan could handle absorbing.

And so, Arnold Wesker would be spared from having any more problems added to his plate. The man already had enough issues to deal with as it was.


	11. All Because of a Stupid Bear

**Title**: All Because of a Stupid Bear  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG-13  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Crossover: _Batman_ & _Yu-Gi-Oh!_  
><strong>Characters<strong>: Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), Bane (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 370  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: When will Gurimo learn? Apparently never, but that isn't surprising. Can't teach an old dog to learn new tricks, eh?  
>The title for this chapter is likely to change sometime in the future because I couldn't come up with anything better.<br>**Warnings**: None.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

* * *

><p><em>11: All Because of a Stupid Bear<em>

* * *

><p>He should have known.<p>

No, really. He should have known better because since when did anything ever go his way? He may have learned to do a very thorough background check on his targets, but never has he been able to come close to capturing their souls. Instead, he's only ended up being captured by _them_ – the nut jobs – and what makes it all worse is that he's then saved _by_ a nut job dressed as a bat not long after. And he always finds himself asking why it had to be him, not that stupid teen that goes by the name of Valon, who has to suffer.

Speaking of, it was that brat's fault to begin with. _He_ was the reason why Gurimo was off on this assignment and the man couldn't understand why.

He's always been a loyal follower of Master Dartz and made sure not to draw unwanted attention when out capturing souls.

So why did he have to suffer?

Gurimo's groan, from both the headache and the terrible achy pain coursing throughout his body, is muffed due to the body-cast he's wearing.

It should be the damned brat that's in this body-cast! Not him!

Another groan sounds from him and he wishes that he hadn't even tried to steal the one called Bane's soul. Or approached him differently than from how he did. If he knew just how damn precious that stupid teddy bear was to him then he would have left it alone; although, at the time, it did seem like a good plan. Who would go that far to protect a stupid stuffed animal from being burned?

Maybe he should have just skipped him or simply walked up to him and challenged him to a duel and leave the toy out of it.

But it didn't matter now.

All Gurimo could really focus on was the searing pain travelling throughout his body and pray that it would be a very, very, _very_ fast recovery.

And so, Bane would not be offered to the great Leviathan.

Besides, the man would more than likely find a way to burst free in order to get his teddy bear anyway. So all in all, it really was better this way.


	12. A Very Merry Unbirthday' Indeed

**Title**: 'A Very Merry Unbirthday' Indeed  
><strong>Rating<strong>: PG  
><strong>Fandom<strong>: Crossover: _Batman_ & _Yu-Gi-Oh!  
><em>**Characters**: Gurimo (_Yu-Gi-Oh!_), the Mad Hatter (_Batman_)  
><strong>Summary<strong>: There were times, rare times, that Gurimo questioned Master Dartz and now was one of those times.  
><strong>Word Count<strong>: 284  
><strong>Author's Note<strong>: I was going to have this be the last chapter, but changed my mind at the last second.  
><strong>Warnings<strong>: None.  
><strong>Disclaimer<strong>: _Batman_ and _Yu-Gi-Oh!_ do not belong to me; I'm merely borrowing certain characters for this crack!fic, that is all.

* * *

><p><em>12: 'A Very Merry Unbirthday' Indeed<em>

* * *

><p>"Ah! You are just in time to help prepare for Alice's very merry unbirthday party! Splendid, splendid!"<p>

"What is—?" Gurimo, about to ask what an 'unbirthday' was, decided it would be a better idea not to and just get straight to the point. After all, the sooner they dueled, the sooner he could leave this city. "Never mind. Look here, I am here to challenge you to a duel and nothing more."

"A duel…? Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. That will not do at all. Not. At. All!" His target, having lost his composure at his news, came to a sudden halt in his tantrum. As if. . . "Not to worry, though; I have the perfect solution. One you will find wholly… agreeable. Once I've implanted it on you, that is."

"'Implant'? What do you mean—?" he was about to question the man, when two men appeared behind him and firmly held him in place. "What is the meaning of this? Who do you think you are? Release me at once!"

"Settle down, now, this won't hurt a bit."

What wouldn't hurt a bit? Gurimo, too busy trying to shake the two off him, had failed to notice that the shorter man was no longer standing across from him, but was now behind him. Gurimo felt the hair on the back of his neck stand on end when the Hatter burst into laughter and—

—what just happened?

. . .

Wait a second.

How'd he end up back here in the hospital?

And so, it must have been the great Leviathan's birthday to have been given the greatest gift of all: not having to receive the Mad Hatter's soul.


End file.
